SATISFACTION and Fulfillment

Satisfaction and fulfillment are tricky things. I call the advanced feelings. We have five basic emotions - anger, fear, sadness, loneliness, and happiness (note we categorize only one of those as positive). But we are discussing two feelings that require some more brain power than the basic five. I’m going to explain how we can foster these and make them regular experiences that will ultimately change your life (I promise).

This summer I thought would be a big preparation phase, and in May I laid there in bed in a mini freakout making lists of how to spend my summer. I kept running on the hamster wheel of how to prepare, how to be ready, what to do to make myself feel like I could so something like this. In reality, I needed no preparation. This journey and the past couple months were a lead up into this present moment. I made it to Colorado just fine. The preparation that we mentally need can sometimes feel like climbing a mountain. But what do you do when you go to climb a mountain….you get out of bed, you put your gear on, and you start the hike up the mountain. It really is that simple. In May I was trying to think of how to climb the mountain, which route to take, which gear to use, what time to get out of bed, what to wear etc… the list literally goes on and on as much as the mind can backpedal into the details of it. What I started to do what instead of making lists and planning, which only elevated myself stress and worry, I got up and I went and did something. Instead of planning what interstate to take to CO in three months, I went mountain biking. Instead of writing a list of how to be productive when I didn’t have anything to do, I went and ate an orange in my hammock while I read a book. I started to realize that not everyday has to have a preconceived purpose, each day creates that for itself.

In short, I could have chose to let anxiety consume me or I chose the present moment and things that were fulfilling to me - anxiety is not a fulfilling things to any of us!

I started another interesting practice that at first I admit I was tricking my brain trying to reprogram it. Every night as I laid in bed, whether I was alone or with someone else, I would first thank myself for today, then thank this world and universe for the days experience. Secondly, which is most important and truly the last step, I say (over and over again) “I am satisfied with today”. And really there are hundreds of ways to say this. It might be I am fulfilled by today, I fulfilled by doing X today. Sometimes I would speak “today was such a fulfilling day because of X”. At first I looked at this practice as a way to make myself feel productive and give myself a purpose - mostly because my placement of purpose was all on career and without that this summer I felt displaced. So at first this practice was a trick to make myself feel better.

What truly came of this practice is phenomenal in my opinion. I realized, that by saying these things every night in the five minutes before I went to bed that I was having better dreams. I remember my dreams in detail every time I sleep, and I no longer had stressful or worrisome or dreadful dreams. All dreams were filled with hope and peace and love and adventure. I work up in a better mood. I woke up feeling like I was already wearing a smile The most important feeling I want to emphasize that evolved from this simple practice was this - I realized that each night I was cleansing my heart and mind and soul. I was absolving it from any regrets. When you mantra to yourself that your day was fulfilling in the ways you wanted and needed no matter how seemingly simple, you release any thoughts or feelings or regret. I had no regrets that I didn’t do X or that I couldn’t figure out Y. This was so prolific to my presentness these past couple months. I went to bed with no regret or negative feelings about the previous day, and therefore I also woke up refreshed and ready to propel forward into the next day.

In terms of motivation, this is useful for a lot of reasons. Psychologically for our brains motivation can be particularly difficult. Motivation is driven by a lot of different emotions and needs, the most foundational ones being fear, anger, hunger, and even need for love (for fear of not getting that). The point being, is if I am angry that my coworker got a promotion over me when I think I should have gotten it, the motivation may be anger and I may be vengeful or resentful towards them and my company. The goal shall still be getting and having the promotion with better pay, better benefits, etc. However the motivation has changed the direction of your efforts, and now you are moving away from the goal and your values. So we see how negative things can drive us away form our goal, however still feeling motivated. The point to make here with absolving our hearts and minds of regret and replacing it with fulfillment, is that we not only discover hope for ourself and goals, but our motivation cannot root itself in regret or resentment. Our motivation has to be rooted in things like hope, love, happiness, and positive desire. Another important result this practice has is that we resolve this lingering anger (a long term anger). Anger I will always vouch for being a very useful and necessary emotion. However when we hold on to it too long or we choose to exist in this emotion primarily, it becomes detrimental because it fosters vengeance, regret, resentment, and some nasty behaviors. This practice helps us let go of anger on a daily basis rather than carrying it into the next day with us. How about one last example to prove why this practice is so useful and enjoyable even.

Lets say at work a coworker comes to ask you for help on a task they are unsure about. This task is their responsibility but affects the work envrionment and team though. They explain how they think you’re more experiencing and knowledgable about it so they want advice on how to complete. You happily give them your ideas and advice on how to do this task. Lets say they turn around and dont follow your directions, despite asking for your advice and listening to it, but they just dont take it. So a couple days go by, and you’ve mostly forgotten about it, until the boss comes in and says this task was a key task in this project, and since its been done, all the work over the past couple days must be redone because this task was the foundation. The boos outlines what task it was that foiled this project, that being your coworkers task, one that has been messed up. What do you think you feel? I would feel anger certainly. I would be mad they asked for help and didn’t take my advice, and Id be mad that since they did it wrong now I have to do days worth of work over again. I would be steaming and probably have a lot of ideas of how to release the pressure valve on this anger.

This situation has two main, or simple routes (among many). Route 1 is I am angry about this for all the days I have to redo this work. The work environment is angry and hostile because EVERYONE is mad at the coworker for “messing up”. All of us might even think they did it on purpose, our of carelessness or something else. So You are angry for days and huffy and puffy at work. You think about it outside of work and stress about it, the thought on loop is something like “if only they had done it right the first time I wouldn’t be in this situation”. I bet all of us have been in this thought pattern before whether it towards ourself or something else, it’s common and normal.

Route 2 is this. You integrate this satisfaction/fulfillment practice at bed. The first night its difficult because you’re angry and wish the situation was different. This route ultimately integrates other skills, but lets say at night you also tell yourself “this situation is what it is. What can I do for the situation rather than working against it in anger”. You wake up the next morning, still feeling pissed over what happened, but you’ve let go of the anger around your coworker not listening. Perhaps you go into work and ask your coworker what happened. Now I’ll leave it up to your imagination about what human thing came in the way of work such as a dog dying, his mother getting sick, his car getting hit in the parking lot, his water pipe bursting in the basement etc… You come to compassion and realize they made a mistake on this task because something else in their life was occupying their attention and this truly was a mistake.

Do we see the difference between these situations. I know your’e thinking life is not this simple. But for our purpose let’s say it is. You have come to compassion and forgiveness and you have observed humanity in yourself and someone else. You’ve let go on angry and you’re now working for the unfortunate situation rather than against it. You’re letting yourself flow with is like a river rather than trying to row back upstream with only one paddle. I make a promise that this is a foundational practice that will change the way you think, the way you feel, your mindset of the world, and ultimately change your heart for a better experience of this life. This practice increases your flexibility and openness to life, which are two enormous qualities we are now understanding contribute to wellness, fulfillment, and actual happiness in life.

So…every night before bed, you say. “I am satisfied with what I did today. (And list these things). What I today is fulfilling to what I wanted and needed. I let go of anger, sadness, and anxiety because I am fulfilled with my day”.